The Dream17 Vending Machine
Moderator: Dream17 Staff
Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
The drinks machine rattles pretty loudly for a few seconds and with a *SPWEH* a wierd looking glowing bottle flies out.
You pick it up and decide to take a sip.
Congratulations, you're now glowing blue.
The Kerdern Mershern's display reads "ERMAGHERD LEL, REDERRIACTIVE SMERRFF!"
I decide to smash both machines togheter to see what happens...
You pick it up and decide to take a sip.
Congratulations, you're now glowing blue.
The Kerdern Mershern's display reads "ERMAGHERD LEL, REDERRIACTIVE SMERRFF!"
I decide to smash both machines togheter to see what happens...
Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
Both machines crash together under your ministrations. One is much stronger than the other and the weaker one is completely wrecked. Strangely enough, it is not broken into numerous smaller pieces - as a wreck is wont to be - rather it is compacted into a small, metallic disc, containing all the density, but none of the size, of the machine it once was.
The other machine is unharmed and dispenses a small bar of chocolate.
I am walking past and notice that the small disc resembles a coin. I pick it up, and insert it.
The other machine is unharmed and dispenses a small bar of chocolate.
I am walking past and notice that the small disc resembles a coin. I pick it up, and insert it.
Superfrog: the best things in life are green.
- ViceroyOfMonteCristo
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
The machine spits out a small can of "Cadbubbly Creme (Egg) Soda". When you first start drinking, it tastes quite chocolatey, then as you get to the middle of the can turns into more of a creamy flavor. Once you've reached near the end of the can though you find that there is a small layer of chocolate precipitate, as though the drink was made from a powder that didn't quite dissolve fully. It tastes like pure cocoa powder, but is still somewhat sweet.
I drop in an American dollar, folded up like a paper plane.
I drop in an American dollar, folded up like a paper plane.
Follow me on Twitch! Or don't. I respect your decision.
Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
The dollar shoots out again flying away in the distance.
You just wasted a dollar...
I instert a 1 Euro piece.
You just wasted a dollar...
I instert a 1 Euro piece.
Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
You receive the rest of my sandwich. It's pretty good, I'm just full.
I insert $1.35.
I insert $1.35.
Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
You receive a whole doughnut and 35% of a can of root beer.At this point you're just happy that something eatable came out. The amount of root beer was just enough to satisfy. All in all, it was a nice combination too - surprisingly.
You are about to walk away but turn around so you can pay it forward. You insert a chocolate coin.
You are about to walk away but turn around so you can pay it forward. You insert a chocolate coin.
If you can read this....you're not blind.
Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
A Christmas tree squeezes out of the machine. It's a tight fit and by the time it's out, all the pine needles have fallen off. Despite this, you are delighted by your bare, ugly, tree and take it home to hang up in your bare, ugly, living room.
I walk up and jam a special home-made coin I call a Coinible into the slot.
I walk up and jam a special home-made coin I call a Coinible into the slot.
Worm Mad - is he a mad worm or a person mad about worms? I'll give you a clue - it's not the first one.
Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
Worm Mad wrote:I walk up and jam a special home-made coin I call a Coinible into the slot.
The machine rattles and creaks and gives you "the eternal can of mistery", no body knows what's in it for the label has long since gone!
You decide to just open it and have a sip, it's diet coke. Plain old diet coke.
I eat the rest of Zeor's sammich (yum) and insert the napkin it came with.
Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
You receive a packet of an anti-spasmodic medication known as mebeverine hydrochloride.
I come in carrying a short, thin girl named Laura on my shoulders. I am experiencing incredible abdominal pain and moan so pitifully that you give me some of the medicine. I take it, but it has no effect. You shrug and walk off, not noticing Laura or acknowledging her presence.
I'm still in pain. Laura passes me down a coin and I insert it.
I come in carrying a short, thin girl named Laura on my shoulders. I am experiencing incredible abdominal pain and moan so pitifully that you give me some of the medicine. I take it, but it has no effect. You shrug and walk off, not noticing Laura or acknowledging her presence.
I'm still in pain. Laura passes me down a coin and I insert it.
Superfrog: the best things in life are green.
- ViceroyOfMonteCristo
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
The machine convulses for a few seconds, then fires a boot into your stomach. You drop to your knees in pain and pass out. The machine plays a small sound clip of a sitcom laugh track. Turns out violence IS always funny!
Laura, now standing over your crumpled body, puts in a coin as well.
Laura, now standing over your crumpled body, puts in a coin as well.
Follow me on Twitch! Or don't. I respect your decision.
Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
The machine fails to recognize the questionably-existent Laura, and due to unhandled logic, dispenses a null item. For some reason, this empty zone of space is unfathomably heavy, and immediately drops straight to the molten core of the planet.
Nothing else interesting happens.
I drop a big square of particle board over the hole and insert a coin.
Nothing else interesting happens.
I drop a big square of particle board over the hole and insert a coin.
Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
You receive the complete antithesis of all that is yourself, personified into an abstract human-like being.
oreZ walks forward and outstretches his hand. You instinctively touch him with your own and the resultant meeting of two complete opposites triggers an entire phaseshift. The universe condenses into an infinitely dense dot and then the Big Bang starts anew. Billions of years are re-enacted in mere seconds.
The new universe is identical to the old one, except for two things: oreZ is no longer there and there's one extra button on the vending machine which claims to dispense Gatorade.
I haven't noticed any of this, and insert a coin.
oreZ walks forward and outstretches his hand. You instinctively touch him with your own and the resultant meeting of two complete opposites triggers an entire phaseshift. The universe condenses into an infinitely dense dot and then the Big Bang starts anew. Billions of years are re-enacted in mere seconds.
The new universe is identical to the old one, except for two things: oreZ is no longer there and there's one extra button on the vending machine which claims to dispense Gatorade.
I haven't noticed any of this, and insert a coin.
Superfrog: the best things in life are green.
Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
You get a Gatorade. You drink it and are refreshed.
Unbeknownst to you, it was actually antiGatorade. Effectively the same thing, but you better not drink a regular Gatorade unless you want to take out half of the planet.
I insert a coin.
Unbeknownst to you, it was actually antiGatorade. Effectively the same thing, but you better not drink a regular Gatorade unless you want to take out half of the planet.
I insert a coin.
- Star and Moon
- Regular
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
You receive a Coke knockoff you've never heard of before.
It tastes pretty much just like Coke.
I insert an anti coin, also called a nioc.
It tastes pretty much just like Coke.
I insert an anti coin, also called a nioc.
Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
A small planet plops out of the machine.
Congratulations! You are now a god of a small planet! (edit: Really, the G-word is censored?)
I stomp in one of my cigar buds.
Congratulations! You are now a god of a small planet! (edit: Really, the G-word is censored?)
I stomp in one of my cigar buds.
- Star and Moon
- Regular
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- Joined: Tue Jun 11, 2013 6:00 pm
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
You receive a bottle of Windex. "Blech!" you say after drinking it. It turns out it's not filled with Windex, but rather blue sports drink. You feel cheated.
After years of tending to my new planet, they've finally surpassed us in technology. I command them to recreate an American Quarter and use SCIENCE FICTION to enlarge it so I can fit it into the slot.
After years of tending to my new planet, they've finally surpassed us in technology. I command them to recreate an American Quarter and use SCIENCE FICTION to enlarge it so I can fit it into the slot.
Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
It's less censoring and more legacy hijinks.Cisken1 wrote:(edit: Really, the G-word is censored?)
Team17 Forum Refugee | OpenXcom Developer
Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
There is a moment of silence and, after a while, the machine coughs out an entire copy of the Dream17 Forum Legacy Bible. It contains all sorts of auto-corrections and the right circumstances for administration of a Finger Wagging.
You helpfully pass it to SupSuper, who reads a section out to Cisken1:
Time passes.
One day later, I walk in and notice the area empty and devoid of life. The vending machine is emitting a friendly glow at me, so I insert a coin.
You helpfully pass it to SupSuper, who reads a section out to Cisken1:
Everyone now looks pleased and wanders off. All is peaceful.SupSuper wrote:It's less censoring and more legacy hijinks.
Time passes.
One day later, I walk in and notice the area empty and devoid of life. The vending machine is emitting a friendly glow at me, so I insert a coin.
Superfrog: the best things in life are green.
Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
Going pretty off-topic here but I'm seriously asking now. Can we turn this shit off? It wasn't even funny once. It just stupidly disrupts whatever else someone was trying to say. It actually cancels out things that would otherwise have been funny.SupSuper wrote:It's less censoring and more legacy hijinks.Cisken1 wrote:(edit: Really, the G-word is censored?)
Meanwhile, Pooka receives a little sheet of construction paper with macaroni glued to it in the shape of a smiley face. The machine cares not for word swapping or the frustrations generated thereby. It only knows love.
Huh. I want some. I insert a coin.
Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine
End of an era.
The machine suddenly comes to life. It starts cursing at you like you've never heard before. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, constantly inserting coins into me like I'm some broken wishing well? Are you some goddamn twat called alicia1? What do you think this is, Canada? Why I-". The machine cuts off, presumably that's as much as a coin will get you.
Wow, rude. You're not really sure it made any sense, but the sheer shock is enough to rewrite history. You feel like a new man, a more mature individual. You won't let such petty insults affect you.
You insert a coin.
The machine suddenly comes to life. It starts cursing at you like you've never heard before. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, constantly inserting coins into me like I'm some broken wishing well? Are you some goddamn twat called alicia1? What do you think this is, Canada? Why I-". The machine cuts off, presumably that's as much as a coin will get you.
Wow, rude. You're not really sure it made any sense, but the sheer shock is enough to rewrite history. You feel like a new man, a more mature individual. You won't let such petty insults affect you.
You insert a coin.
Team17 Forum Refugee | OpenXcom Developer