The Dream17 Vending Machine

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Zeor
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Zeor » Tue Oct 01, 2013 1:33 am

You receive two chocolate bars.

Ironically, there is nothing ironic about either of them.

I insert a coin.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Pooka » Tue Oct 01, 2013 8:49 pm

You receive a helmet which blinds you to the way ahead but still allows you to see objects directly beneath you, a knapsack in which to place food, thus sustaining your sprite of energy, a shield which will allow you to see after a distinctly magical fashion, and a wand which can push, touch, and open things at a distance.

You walk straight into a wall and swear loudly.

I insert a gold bar.
Superfrog: the best things in life are green.

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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Zeor » Wed Oct 02, 2013 1:34 am

You receive the bar's worth in ordinary currency. The machine spends hours vomiting paper notes and loose change across the room. You stand at the door, fighting off would-be scavengers with a broom.

I watch from nearby, idly sipping at a beer and wondering if there's some deep, meaningful metaphor in all this. I conclude that there is not.

I then insert a dirty old coin I found under the floor mat in my car.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Pooka » Sat Feb 08, 2014 6:56 pm

You receive an inflatable chill-out space complete with ambient music. You spend hours blowing it up before noticing that a bicycle pump came with it. You feel thoroughly embarrassed, but after floating it on Regent's Canal in London you are impressed by how popular it has become.

There's still the slightest trace of ambience in the air when I insert a coin.
Superfrog: the best things in life are green.

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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Zeor » Sat Feb 08, 2014 7:58 pm

You receive some sushi. You sniff it suspiciously. There's no telling how long it's been in there.

I insert a coin.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Star and Moon » Sun Feb 23, 2014 3:53 pm

Suddenly the plastic shell of the vending machine breaks open revealing a slot machine.

However, the coin you entered did not go in the slot machine, you must put it another. Cheap ripoff.

I pull another vending machine out of underneath the carpet and insert a vending machine in it.

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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Zeor » Mon Feb 24, 2014 6:24 am

You receive a ticket detailing your large fine for defrauding the universe.

I insert one measly penny.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Star and Moon » Mon Feb 24, 2014 1:56 pm

You receive a measly snack, branded with the name "Petrochemicals Ahoy"...

...do you dare eat it?

I insert a uranium coin.

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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Zeor » Sat Mar 01, 2014 3:12 am

You receive a jumbo-sized butter launcher. Expensive to operate, but worthwhile.

I insert a coin.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Pooka » Sat Apr 05, 2014 2:53 pm

You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it. You receive a coin, and insert it.

While you're doing all this, I walk in, look at you quizzically for a while, then push you casually aside and insert a coin.
Superfrog: the best things in life are green.

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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Star and Moon » Sat Apr 05, 2014 4:53 pm

You receive a coin and ragequit.

I insert a non-coin substitute made from 100% buttermilk called 'I Can't Believe That Worked!'

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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Worm Mad » Sun Apr 06, 2014 9:31 pm

You receive a ton of vampire movies on DVD. Angrily, you toss them onto a bonfire which a homeless person is warming himself by, and walk away.

Little do you realise but the homeless guy was actually a vampire. As he watches the image of Bela Lugosi's Dracula melting on the pyre, a single tear of blood drips from his eye. "Why do they hate us?" he sighs.

I gallop up on horseback, jump from my steed and enter an antique medieval coin into the slot.
Worm Mad - is he a mad worm or a person mad about worms? I'll give you a clue - it's not the first one.

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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Zeor » Sun Apr 06, 2014 11:47 pm

You receive a rare fruit from some barely-known corner of the African jungle. Oh god it is incredibly illegal to export these. You push the vending machine over and run like hell. You lock yourself in your apartment, block the door with a chair, and stare warily out the window through the blinds. A black van passes by. You hide under your bed for a week. Someone from work comes and knocks on the door to see if you've died; you diveroll out the window, judo-chop him unconscious, and run some more. Eventually you run out of places to run and are forced to fake your own death. You take up a new identity in Canada as Earl Davis, an unassuming accountant. You actually do fairly well for yourself as Earl, but you still panic every time you see anyone wearing or driving anything black.

Needless to say, you were mistaken about the fruit; it is totally harmless and legal worldwide, and tastes great with a bit of salt.

I insert a coin.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Star and Moon » Mon Apr 07, 2014 9:18 pm

You receive a Nintendo 3DS! You switch the 3D slider to the maximum and it sucks all the light out of the room. You stumble about in the dark, grasping for something to hold on to as you try to find your way to the exit.

You or the vending machine were never seen again.

In a different and slightly wackier dimension I insert a coin into a vending machine, rubbing my hands in anticipation.

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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Worm Mad » Sat Sep 06, 2014 5:14 pm

A red hot piece of coal drops out.
"HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT!" you cry, tossing it from one hand to another before finally letting it drop to the floor.

You look down at your hands - they're kind of flaky. You should probably go see a doctor but that piece of coal still looks awfully tempting.
"HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT!"

~

Coins are so 2013. I walk up to the machine and swipe my iVend card against the iPay scanner.
Worm Mad - is he a mad worm or a person mad about worms? I'll give you a clue - it's not the first one.

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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Zeor » Mon Sep 08, 2014 4:04 am

iPay responds with a cryptic error message. You try again and receive a different message, no more descriptive than the previous. You angrily swipe the card several more times in succession, causing the iPay to hang for several minutes before finally accepting the payment. The machine vends a Hershey's Cookies and Mint chocolate bar, which is a pretty nice find, especially considering it was discontinued a number of years ago.

You later find that you were charged over $12,000 for this.

I insert a regular old coin.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Star and Moon » Wed Sep 10, 2014 2:20 am

You receive a coupon for a free job at a pizza place!


Free meaning that it's free for the company, they don't pay you.





I reluctantly insert a coin.

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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Joseph » Sun Sep 14, 2014 6:06 am

The machine reluctantly vends you a long, drawn out sigh, the likes of which would be enough to send a 46-year-old lumberjack into a never-ending spiral of teen angst.

I step over you as you sit on the street dying your hair black and writing poetry, and insert a coin.

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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Zeor » Sun Sep 14, 2014 7:35 am

You receive a bottle opener with some incredibly futuristic tech that allows it to levitate on its own power.

That said, the levitation does not whatsoever affect its ability to open bottles.

I insert a coin.
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Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Pooka » Sun Sep 28, 2014 9:05 pm

You receive a rusty old nail. It's not BORK'D, like nails that come out of this vending machine have previously been, so it looks serviceable. You then carry it to the woodshed you've been building outside, and hammer it in with the hammer you had lying around to begin with. Stepping back, you then realise that the woodshed, rickety as it is, is staying up of its own volition.

You've completed your project, and quickly shovel all your firewood into the protection of the woodshed just as the heavens open. Now it won't get wet. You are well pleased.

Back inside, I'm rummaging in my pockets for a coin to insert. I don't appear to have anything, until finally I find something small and round in the lining of my jacket. I extricate it. It is a coin, but battered and chipped and slightly bent. Nevertheless, it looks serviceable enough for this vending machine, into which I insert it.
Superfrog: the best things in life are green.

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