The Dream17 Vending Machine

[Pooka]

You receive.

I insert a coin.

[MtlAngelus]

You get two coins. You made a profit.

I insert a slightly dented coin.

[Zeor]

You receive a whole bunch of really tiny gears and sprockets and cogs and whatnot. You eventually determine that it is an entire, completely disassembled pocket watch.

I insert a really dirty, unidentifiable old coin.

[worMatty]

I receive a can of Grog Lite.

I insert one copper coin of the realm.

[Zeor]

You receive several tiny, perfect cubes of copper and a few other materials, equal to the mass of the coin. This behavior may remind you of SCP-914, unless you don't know about SCP-914, in which case it doesn't remind you of anything and just seems weird.

I insert a massive, ancient stone coin.

[Pooka]

You receive an IOU for a can of soda in addition to the ancient coin you deposited. Puzzled, you take the coin back and turn to walk away.

I run in, give a swift karate chop to your back and grab the coin while to try to puzzle out why that was painless. I quickly insert it while you're not looking.

[MtlAngelus]

You get a parking ticket.

I insert a rusty coin.

[Zeor]

You get enlightenment. Huh, so that's where it was. Of course, that all seems obvious to you now.

With some doing, I stuff a gummy bear into the slot.

[Pooka]

Nothing happens for a while, and then you hear a grinding noise like a bunch of keys being scraped across a piano wire. A blue box materialises out of nowhere.

You are confused when a man pops his head out of a door and offers you a jelly baby.

Here I am, inserting a coin.

[Star and Moon]

The vending machine deposits a nice fancy expensive laptop. It falls onto the floor and shatters at your feet.

I go ahead of myself and insert TWO coins.

[Zeor]

You receive a big silly hat which appears to be emitting six-foot bright green flames for some reason. Somebody immediately stabs you and steals it. We should probably have a pyro patrolling in here.

I insert a coin.

[worMatty]

Green smoke starts to spill out of the retrieval area, slowly covering you. You find yourself on a speedboat. It's a sunny day, and you are being driven fast. You are standing on the bough, electric guitar in hand, thrashing away, singing about a lost love, shouting "Say goodbyyyyyye!"
Your bandmates accompany you in various positions in the boat, nodding their heads with the beat. A third-party view of you pans around the scene, before fading and returning you to the vending machine suspended in a vast, empty breathable pocket in space above the planet Earth.

With that in mind, I insert a coin.

[Star and Moon]

Several seconds after inserting the coin, a worm squeezes it's way out of the coin slot and makes a break for a near by mouse hole carrying what is probably your coin. Do you try to stop it? Maybe, but that bazooka looks deadly, so you let it go.

I carefully fold an American Dollar to be coin shaped and jimmy it into the slot.

[worMatty]

This was a mouse wormhole, I take it? Or a worm mouse wormhole? Or a worm wormhole?

[Star and Moon]

This was a mouse wormhole, I take it? Or a worm mouse wormhole? Or a worm wormhole?

What? I can't believe I payed a dollar for that!

[Zeor]

You receive a bottle of cola which is emitting an intense blue glow. It's quite pretty. Problem is, this is actually a very rare and valuable item. Drinking it would make you feel stupid and probably also incur some unfortunate radiation-related side effects. But if you keep it, you'll probably be hounded by collectors somehow. How will they know? They know. They always know. Maybe you should just ebay it.

I insert a thoroughly ordinary coin.

[Plasma]

You get a thoroughly ordinary coin.

This machine only accepts nonstandard forms of currencies.


I inset one coine.

[Zeor]

You receive bees. Thousands of bees.

I insert a Canadian coin which I had in my pocket for some reason.

[MonkeyforaHead]

You receive Canada. Aw man, not another one of these.

I insert a coin.

[Squirminator2k]

You receive a vending machine. Bizarrely, it is slightly larger than the vending machine it has been dispensed by, and there is no conceivable way it could have been vended by the slot it came from, but nevertheless.

Tentatively, you place a coin inside the new vending machine. It vends an elderly Russian woman named Olga. She is four inches tall and speaks a language you do not understand.

I insert a coin into the one true vending machine.