The Dream17 Vending Machine

Sit yourselves down in here and have a chinwag about whatever takes your fancy.

Moderator: Dream17 Staff

Post Reply
User avatar
Zeor
Senior
Posts: 737
Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 3:21 am
Location: Science and Outer Space

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Zeor » Thu Jun 13, 2013 6:45 pm

You receive the gift of music! Your immense talent quickly takes over your life. You bang out your debut album in a week, and it goes quintuple platinum in a matter of hours. Within days you own literally every Ferrari, and your estate is an actual entire United State you purchased wholesale somewhere in the midwest. You can't even leave your mind-bogglingly huge mansion without accidentally having sex three to five times on the way to the door. Needless to say you also rapidly develop a god complex and numerous debilitating dependencies on highly illegal substances. For a time you literally refuse to let anyone see you, until the day of your inevitable, yet still sudden and tragic downfall, when you are shot, after shooting yourself, accidentally, while falling down some stairs, after bailing out from your moving limo, while eating a ham sandwich, underneath a big sign that says THE WORLD IS YOURS.

Your experience makes an excellent movie, and you are memorialized by trillions of adoring, anonymous strangers.

I cautiously insert a commemorative coin with your likeness on it, legal tender in six countries.
Zero72, Team17 Forum member (and former Cartoonist), June 2002 - June 2013.

Zeor TV - [fart noise]!

User avatar
Worm Mad
Staff Writer
Posts: 221
Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2005 9:52 pm
Location: England
Contact:

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Worm Mad » Fri Jun 14, 2013 2:32 pm

You receive TRUE LOVE. At least that's what the vending machine's readout says. You don't appear to have received anything.

Annoyed, you track down a nearby vending machine repair person. "THAT MACHINE STOLE MY MONEY!" you cry. The repair person turns around and you gasp. She's gorgeous, it's love at first sight! You try and tell her she doesn't need to open the machine and that it wasn't faulty after all but she wants to impress you. She brings a master key out of her pocket and slides it into a rusty lock. "D-don't do this" you gulp. "Relax," she smiles "What's the worst that could happen?"

The door opens with a sigh. Inside there is... nothing. A gaping abyss that seems to gnaw at your very soul. You hear screams but they're not coming from the void, they're inside your head. The noise becomes louder and louder until it reaches a thundering crescendo.

The door slams shut. There is no-one here.

I walk up, whistling a jaunty tune, and insert a coin into the slot.
Worm Mad - is he a mad worm or a person mad about worms? I'll give you a clue - it's not the first one.

User avatar
Squirminator2k
Dream17 Founder
Posts: 573
Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2005 2:07 pm
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Contact:

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Squirminator2k » Fri Jun 14, 2013 6:51 pm

You receive hubris.

I don't not put a coin in the machine.
PortsCenter - Gaming's forgotten history. A show all about unique video game ports.

User avatar
Zeor
Senior
Posts: 737
Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 3:21 am
Location: Science and Outer Space

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Zeor » Fri Jun 14, 2013 6:59 pm

You receive somebody's wallet. The driver's license was issued 15 years ago, in another country. You don't recognize the currency. The wallet itself is fairly nice though.

I insert most of a coin. I'm not sure where the rest of it went.
Zero72, Team17 Forum member (and former Cartoonist), June 2002 - June 2013.

Zeor TV - [fart noise]!

User avatar
Worm Mad
Staff Writer
Posts: 221
Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2005 9:52 pm
Location: England
Contact:

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Worm Mad » Fri Jun 14, 2013 8:45 pm

You receive the rest of the coin.

I insert a coin.
Worm Mad - is he a mad worm or a person mad about worms? I'll give you a clue - it's not the first one.

User avatar
worMatty
Chatroom Patriot
Posts: 187
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 11:15 pm
Location: Chester, UK
Contact:

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by worMatty » Sat Jun 15, 2013 1:01 am

?coin your is it Perhaps .slot coin the through out comes It .right to left mirrored been have faces its but design in same the is which coin a receive You

˙uıoɔ ɐ ʇɹǝsuı ı

User avatar
Zeor
Senior
Posts: 737
Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 3:21 am
Location: Science and Outer Space

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Zeor » Sat Jun 15, 2013 2:02 am

You receive thousands of pounds!

Of mustard.

It's everywhere.

I insert an extremely valuable doubloon.
Zero72, Team17 Forum member (and former Cartoonist), June 2002 - June 2013.

Zeor TV - [fart noise]!

User avatar
Slick
Beef Stew
Posts: 240
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2005 8:54 pm
Location: On the loose...
Contact:

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Slick » Sat Jun 29, 2013 1:37 am

Garr,
Yee receiveith the mar harr gar dar dee booty lar sar garrr... arrr...kraken.

I insert a phrase that had just been coined.
If you can read this....you're not blind.

User avatar
Worm Mad
Staff Writer
Posts: 221
Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2005 9:52 pm
Location: England
Contact:

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Worm Mad » Tue Jul 09, 2013 6:15 pm

You receive a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a rasher of delicious, delicious bacon.

I insert a petition to the vending machine, signed by 200 participants. The petition calls upon the vending machine for greater transparency and to clearly state the services it provides.
Worm Mad - is he a mad worm or a person mad about worms? I'll give you a clue - it's not the first one.

User avatar
Zeor
Senior
Posts: 737
Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 3:21 am
Location: Science and Outer Space

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Zeor » Tue Jul 09, 2013 6:21 pm

You receive a heavy metal lockbox labelled "SOMETHING." There is no key. The box seems to be literally bulletproof. Something is rattling around in there, but the contents will probably be a mystery until the end of civilization.

I insert the most perfectly unremarkable coin I can possibly think of in hopes of not getting something pertaining to whatever quirk it has.
Zero72, Team17 Forum member (and former Cartoonist), June 2002 - June 2013.

Zeor TV - [fart noise]!

User avatar
Worm Mad
Staff Writer
Posts: 221
Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2005 9:52 pm
Location: England
Contact:

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Worm Mad » Tue Jul 09, 2013 6:29 pm

You receive a hat. It's identical to the one on your head. You touch your head. There is no hat.

I insert the one ring.
Worm Mad - is he a mad worm or a person mad about worms? I'll give you a clue - it's not the first one.

User avatar
Star and Moon
Regular
Posts: 242
Joined: Tue Jun 11, 2013 6:00 pm
Location: Outside of Time and Space

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Star and Moon » Tue Jul 09, 2013 6:46 pm

You receive a note stating that this currency is currently unsupported. You try to fish it out of the "Coin Return" slot but the machine has swallowed it. You grimace with realization that that ring was worth 500k $ and you shouldn't have given it to the vending machine in the first place.

I insert a Bell.
Last edited by Star and Moon on Tue Nov 03, 2015 3:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Xinos
Regular
Posts: 136
Joined: Mon Jun 10, 2013 3:50 am

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Xinos » Tue Jul 09, 2013 7:15 pm

You hear the fading echo of the bell as it tumbles down into the depths of the vending machine. It seems to last for an unreasonably long amount of time considering the size of the machine.
You receive a glass of milk.

I insert a coin.

User avatar
Squirminator2k
Dream17 Founder
Posts: 573
Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2005 2:07 pm
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Contact:

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Squirminator2k » Tue Jul 09, 2013 8:00 pm

You receive another coin identical in every regard to the one you inserted, but for one minor difference: It's not a coin, it's a small frog.

I insert a small frog.
PortsCenter - Gaming's forgotten history. A show all about unique video game ports.

User avatar
Worm Mad
Staff Writer
Posts: 221
Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2005 9:52 pm
Location: England
Contact:

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Worm Mad » Tue Jul 09, 2013 9:20 pm

You croak it.

HAHAHAHAhahahaheheheh...ehem.

Seriously though, you receive a star shaped badge. It's made of blue enamel with a gold backing. You think it'd make a good gift for a friend of yours in the medical profession but it slips out of your hand and shatters.
"Bugger," you mutter "Now I'll never know if I was right."

I insert a coin.
Worm Mad - is he a mad worm or a person mad about worms? I'll give you a clue - it's not the first one.

User avatar
Zeor
Senior
Posts: 737
Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 3:21 am
Location: Science and Outer Space

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Zeor » Wed Jul 10, 2013 3:30 am

Confetti and other colorful party favors explode enthusiastically from the slot. Your injuries are minor, and it's an instant Youtube classic!

I insert a coin.
Zero72, Team17 Forum member (and former Cartoonist), June 2002 - June 2013.

Zeor TV - [fart noise]!

User avatar
Star and Moon
Regular
Posts: 242
Joined: Tue Jun 11, 2013 6:00 pm
Location: Outside of Time and Space

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Star and Moon » Wed Jul 10, 2013 5:47 pm

You receive a plot fixer ray! It says in theory if the plot goes wrong, it could fix everything. You fire the plot fixer ray, and it displays that "Earth's Plot is correct, and always will be correct. Try Jupiter."

You throw the piece of junk at the floor and a tiny shard shoots into the insert coin slot as I walk up to the machine.

User avatar
Zeor
Senior
Posts: 737
Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 3:21 am
Location: Science and Outer Space

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Zeor » Wed Jul 10, 2013 9:06 pm

You receive all the world's missing left socks! You are a hero, up until the world realizes that this doesn't solve the mystery of the right socks, and unanimously decides this is somehow your fault, because people are stupid. You are reviled, and the socks are pretty friggin' smelly.

I insert a coin! !! !!!
Zero72, Team17 Forum member (and former Cartoonist), June 2002 - June 2013.

Zeor TV - [fart noise]!

User avatar
Star and Moon
Regular
Posts: 242
Joined: Tue Jun 11, 2013 6:00 pm
Location: Outside of Time and Space

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Star and Moon » Wed Jul 10, 2013 9:25 pm

You receive a coin? ?? ???

I insert a chocolate coin.

User avatar
Zeor
Senior
Posts: 737
Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 3:21 am
Location: Science and Outer Space

Re: The Dream17 Vending Machine

Post by Zeor » Thu Jul 11, 2013 6:43 am

You receive a stuffed penguin, which, when squeezed, recites a random one of the Amendments to the Constitution of the United States. It's... some kind of patriotic penguin? Okay, that's weird. Educational but weird.

I spend half an hour begrudgingly re-inserting the dozens of coins I've received back out of this stupid machine.
Zero72, Team17 Forum member (and former Cartoonist), June 2002 - June 2013.

Zeor TV - [fart noise]!

Post Reply