Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by SupSuper » Mon Jan 25, 2016 12:56 am

Paul.Power wrote:On the plus side, Sup is just a masterpiece-making machine now.
Wood for the Wood God. 8-)
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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Zeor » Mon Jan 25, 2016 5:58 am

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Aha! The pond froze over. Now's my chance to flail wildly and try to fix my stupidity in architecture. Also somebody finally found my wide-eyed, grimacing, bloated corpse encased in the ice.

Now S2K and I can be HOLY CRAP WHAT
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I did not know this was a thing.

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WooOoOOooOoo i drooowwned while digging a stuuupid faaarrrm
Yeah it turns out the dead can grow restless if they're not properly interred. Evidently nobody's gotten around to lugging S2K to his grave yet.
He starts floating through walls and making people go "YIPES! A G-G-G-GHOOOOST" but that's about it. I can imagine that these would really accelerate the decline of a crumbling fortress though.

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Man alive, stop having babies. Time to build the road! hngk *plop* whoop hang on

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StepS, who apparently exists and has apparently made a career out of scaling fish, gets himself into a fey mood and... takes over the craftsdwarf workshop. Maybe I should build another one of those.

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The angry ghost of S2K proceeds peacefully to the great beyond once somebody can be bothered to bury him. No Ghost Zeors, sadly.

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Oh come on! Don't tell me that was your mysterious construction. Jeez! I bet giving birth didn't even break her concentration. I MUST HAVE ROCK BLOCKS! I MUST HAVE hngk *plop* CUT GEMS!

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oh COME ON!

Another one right after this screenshot, too. Is everybody here pregnant?!

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I think Viceroy took over my room after I died. You're just begging for a haunting, jerk.

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OH COME ON

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You might notice my fortress has 30-odd idlers because the population is exploding like a fractal pattern and I can't be bothered to give everybody something productive to do. Most of these idlers have taken to hanging around in the dining room. Somehow a water buffalo just starved to death in the middle of it.

I bet nobody in there cared.

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Our residential wing shaped up pretty well. We had exactly enough chests that everybody gets one. Yay. Also I have a large team of dwarves all on stone detailing duty, which takes me back to ol' Iddumat, Rocksroughness. My old fortress that eventually died when a kitten opened a floodgate. I'm trying to install a well there, but I screwed it up. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I might be able to save it. Or doom us all. Whichever.

Hmm, how's StepS doing?
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Ruh-roh. We don't have any of that, nor do I think will we ever. Our luck had to run out eventually. StepS is a time bomb.
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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Zeor » Mon Jan 25, 2016 7:13 am

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StepS' spawn is left to crawl around out in the stockpiles while mom stands around and yells at everybody about cloth. Turns out his dad is Akuryou, so I dunno what he's up to.

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Great news. Our fortress has elected our first mayor, this guy called Aban because I ran out of forum nicknames some time ago. Our fort's first real noble! Which means His Majesty needs his own office and dining room and crap.

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OH COME--

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That's it. I'm starting a baby stockpile.

I thought this fortress was about wood, not babies!

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*snap*

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StepS loses her mind and starts trying to murder the nearest thing. The nearest thing is a dwarf named Run. Run is not about to take this shit.

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Man, normally berserk dwarves do considerable damage before they can be stopped, but Run is just beating StepS into a bloody pulp in the middle of the work floor well before the military can make it to the scene.

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StepS might not really be the berserk one here. Revenge? Run might be a little nuts. Maybe he's projecting or something. I'LL HAVE MY REVENGE, MOM! I MEAN STEPS! AAARRRGGH

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StepS lies dead, his head caved in and his blood splattered all over the floor and workshops. Run skulks off to his room with minor injuries.

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Looks like our fortress population is down by oneNEVERMIND LOOK A BABY KWAAA

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Astonishingly, I have succeeded in making the farm plot sssomewhat usable. That gray X is a floodgate which can be used to let river water in again later. We need mud to farm, you see. That's the whole issue.

...Nobody plants anything because we might not have any seeds that grow outside in the spring.

It seems all of our numerous water buffalo are starving to death, or have already. Bizarre.

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I'm not screenshotting births anymore unless they're really hilarious. Just assume every single assclown in this fort had a baby.

Edit: Wow, the mayor's name is Minefield? Forget all that grumbling.
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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Zeor » Wed Jan 27, 2016 5:49 am

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Raycaster, who you may remember from Distantcity and the occasional unrelated anecdote, suggested a likely cause for the death of all the livestock. When I made the dining room also a meeting hall, apparently all the animals took this order very seriously and decided to hang around in there all the time. Then they died because they can't eat chalk. Hopefully this can be corrected by designating a zone as a pasture.

Little... late now, though.

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whimper

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one hun-

one hundred and f-


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friggin'

trackin' mud all over the

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Look at this. You've finally overpopulated this little hole in the ground so hard that not even Slick can make enough doors.

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A fisherdwarf drowns in the river. Odd. There was a wolverine out there stirring some people up, so it's possible he jumped in there while trying to avoid wolverine harm. He had a kid, of course. In fact he probably had like six of them.

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Some new ranger finds the offending wolverine and starts...

Well. If it's one thing our fort does besides beds and babies, it's Stormtrooper crossbowery. Watch this ass shoot every single one of his bronze bolts at this wolverine.

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No seriously, all of them, and he didn't even kill it! He went over to bludgeon the thing to death with his crossbow, but the mutilated wolverine lashed out and tore into the guy's leg. I think that wolverine is the most badass thing that's ever set foot on Splatterbelch land.

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Guy finally manages to kick it or hurt its feelings to death or whatever. Probably throw it on the pile next to all the other dead things that nobody wants to butcher for food.

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Ugh. Dwarves. Everywhere. You know what, do what you want. Splatterbelch is a party fortress for all I care.
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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Zeor » Wed Jan 27, 2016 6:22 am

Well let me take a look and see if Mr. Mayor is happy with his newly smoothed mayoral digs. oh man
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That drowned fisherdwarf was the mayor's wife! Harsh. At least his offices are extremely interesting.

Aaand then some other guy got elected and now inherits all the stuff. Sorry, dude!

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Human caravan showed up. I don't think I'm dealing with that right now.

Wait, Alien King (who just had a kid btw) has gone fey and taken over the mechanic's workshop. Wants tanned hides. We'll see about that, chief. Tune in next time!
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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Zeor » Thu Jan 28, 2016 1:48 am

Dwarves still farting out babies everywhere. I don't even blink anymore.

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Star and Moon checked out early, but he sure was popular. Somebody made this neat figurine of him. I didn't have the heart to sell it.

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I finally figured out how to appoint a broker so our settlement has some concept of currency. Now I know exactly how much this lrg rs ct vlt spssr is worth.

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Alien King made his artifact. More like fartifact. More like boreifact. It's stupid and I hate him.

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No. Why would you do this. Please stop

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Alright, that isn't mud. Look at this. This is what I get for naming the place "Splatterbelch." All of these brown smears? Those are trails left by the dozens of babies crawling around outside. They are all allergic to the sun, and report their displeasure by vomiting emphatically. The entire white chalk road up to our fortress is absolutely slick with baby puke. Welcome.

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Oh.

Yeah he's probably gonna look at this field carpeted in dwarf babies and think "bubble wrap."

Maybe he'll turn into an elf and run away.
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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Zeor » Thu Jan 28, 2016 2:45 am

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The military's en route, but this siege operator doesn't give a damn. She'll take down a giant herdamnself.

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The giant starts by tearing her ear off, then proceeds with more general pummeling.

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The nearby fisherdwarves try to help out, but even while they attack the giant, it continues beating the siege operator into next week. Various parts of her are now mangled beyond any hope of recovery.

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Still, these badass fishers manage to distract the giant for long enough for the siege operator to crawl away, brutalized and terrified. But wait - there's hope! The giant is wounded, somewhat. More like bruised. Roughed up a bit. Has sticks in his hair.

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Giant grabs one of the fisherdwarves by the hand and hurls him like a ragdoll. Good distance. He's knocked unconscious and seriously injured when he hits the ground, but he would have been really jacked up if he'd hit the tree.

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Finally the giant... gets too tired. We got an out-of-shape giant. He falls over from overexertion, but is still in the fight.

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But here comes our fort's most entertaining dwarf, cracking an iron whip he just grabbed off our trade depot. Pilger's seen enough.

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Pilger whips the giant in the torso hard enough to cause internal injury. Mr. Giant is starting to realize what he's done, but it is far too late. The hammer of dwarven justice falls.

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After Pilger proceeds to almost whip his leg in half, the giant blacks out. He's not given the chance to wake up.

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Is there anything this guy can't do?

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Sadly, the siege operator who made the first stand did not survive her wounds. It's just as well, really.

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The only other dwarf with noteworthy injuries is the one who got trebuchet'd. His hand in particular is pretty messed up. But hey, as it happens, I had just finished building this nice little infirmary using a small fraction of our towering piles of beds. And we have real doctors, who'll -- oh. Well he has somewhere to rest.

Bah, all this is boring. Let's check out the real star of the fortress.
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Kittycam! Kittycam!
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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Pilger » Thu Jan 28, 2016 7:01 pm

Oh boy. All the facts preceding the giant's arrival are priceless. Well, since you now have currency you might be able to price them. Anyways, I laughed hard and loud. Nicely done.

And wow, my little dwarf dude killed a giant! I guess all that chinchilla maiming train assigned by the grand chinese master finally payed off. "You were right, sensei!". :)

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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Zeor » Sat Jan 30, 2016 6:49 am

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Splatterbelch baby count is currently at 20 or 21.

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They really have pretty much barfed all over the whole outdoors. You can barely see the trade depot. It's disguised as a giant pile of baby hurl.

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These kids hate the sun. Also look at this future serial killer in the works. Mom went crazy and was beaten to death by a carpenter, then this giant shows up and gets brutally killed too. Well, once he grows up, he'll be too busy being pleasured by all the beds to care.

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Ah yes, we're reaching that point where all our clothes are wearing out. That may or may not be why there are discarded clothing items littered all over Mad's office. We'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now.

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Oh, this dude was a little more roughed up than I thought. I forget what the light blue injury level means though. Something unusual. Guess he took a pretty good hit to his left side.

Caravan from the mountainhomes is here, but I'll deal with that later.

Edit: Apparently blue means "FUNCTION LOSS: An important function of the part is completely lost, but the part is structurally sound (or, at least partially intact)." That's pretty serious.
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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Cisken1 » Mon Feb 01, 2016 1:05 pm

This is so amazingly entertaining!

A lot of stuff going on under all that baby-hurl™

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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Zeor » Tue Feb 02, 2016 6:51 am

Glad you guys are enjoying the thread. I've been feeling like it was a pretty dull fortress.

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Oh hey, the star of Dwarf Fortress finally makes a fashionably late appearance! I failed to move some bovine creature to the pasture zone, and apparently our refuse stockpiles are full, so now there's a rotting corpse in the middle of the dining room filling the whole joint with the dreaded miasma. Right where everybody hangs out. Somebody light a match or something.

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Apparently it's not just Splatterbelch. Everywhere is boring.

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I absentmindedly conscripted our broker into Pilger's little militia. As soon as I released him from that, he went and got himself a drink and then went on break. Some other yoyo had to officiate the trade. Traded for a bunch of cloth in hopes of making some clothes. Also some iron bars. I wonder if I should consider making a jail. Dunno if we need one.

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I figured it wouldn't kill me to give these guys something to do, so I had them engrave the walls of the main hallway. Figures, evidently Munkee is really good at that. He immediately oh damn it go away

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So is bizarro Star and Moon, I guess. He made an engraving of Pilger. I assume this adds a small multiplier onto the total value of our fortress.

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Other Dwarf engraved a tribute to... ah. I assumed this was his artifact bed, but I guess it was just a random masterpiece wooden chest Sup made. Still pretty cool.

Whoa, Sup's last name is Savagehall. Rad.

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McCluck is trying like heck to outpace Sup in legendary crafts, actually. One works with wood, the other with... bloated tubers. That just means fat potatoes. ... I'm sure it's not gross, probably.

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Unexpectedly, one of our several hundred children goes into a fey mood. Interesting, considering children don't have jobs.

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Made himself a spiffy figurine.

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What, you put a tribute to Alien King's smelly artifact mechanisms on it? Are you sure you can't rub that out and replace it with an alligator that's also a truck or something?
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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Pilger » Tue Feb 02, 2016 2:01 pm

Engraves in homage of dwarf Pilger! Yay! :3

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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Zeor » Wed Feb 03, 2016 6:27 am

Our road is finished, so that's neat. Kind of redundant, but cool.

Man, I just realized our fortress really is tiny for the crazy number of dwarves crammed into it. Whatev, says I. Splatterbelch is not known for ambition.

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Scouted downwards in the mines and dug right into a bunch of native gold. Nice!

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And then galena. Yay, maybe.

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Gadzooks. More gold! Amethyst! Topaz! Opal! I wish Zeor were alive to see this.

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Thread doesn't exist. Sup is a good carpenter. Mad wants to have a party!

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I wonder if anyone will show up.

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Oh, someone finally did memorialize the creation of Sup's bed. Presumably he's just holding his arms straight up while the bed hovers between his hands like he just grabbed it out of a big fancy treasure chest.

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Yep, somebody or somebaby hurled right on the front door.
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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Slick » Wed Feb 03, 2016 10:05 pm

I am so behind on this thread. I've been a ways for a while... I've decided to take tomorrow afternoon off to read this. :p
I skimmed a bit and notice there is a barfing episode. That's gotta be good.
If you can read this....you're not blind.

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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Xinos » Thu Feb 04, 2016 12:41 am

Man, I wish I was a dwarf in a fortress.

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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Paul.Power » Fri Feb 05, 2016 11:05 am

Thread doesn't exist.
Well that presents an existential quandary.
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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Slick » Tue Feb 09, 2016 6:55 pm

Well it's safe to say this thread simply has it all. Just wow. This game is nuts lol
If you can read this....you're not blind.

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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Zeor » Sat Feb 13, 2016 2:47 am

Oi, sorry for the delay there. I was going to update last night, but then I started playing Fallout 4 and forgot all about things like playing Dwarf Fortress or eating food. But anyway.

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Xinos the dwarf does exist, but is one of our many dwarves who have not yet contributed anything especially noteworthy to the SupSuper, SargeMcCluck and Pilger Show. He seems to be one of the several I arbitrarily drafted into Pilger Company. And I guess he's concentrating on something, which I take to be a clever code speak for "I'm not doing a damn thing." You guys are supposed to be training during your downtime, but I don't think you are.

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Never thought I'd see the day we ran out of wood, but it does turn out that it's been a while since I last jacked any lumber. There's a certain poetry about a fortress full of idle hobos without real jobs. We have so many haulers. A whole army of log-hauling dwarves reloads our stockpile like a first-person-shooter protagonist miraculously reloads a revolver.

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When McCluck started vying for Sup's title of "maker of the most masterpieces," we all thought he was nuts, but look at this guy go. I'm afraid he's won. Every lettuce leaf he touches becomes five-star dining. I'm not even mad that we're still mostly eating like cattle. We're eating like royal cattle.

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Our deep underground mines continue to yield great bounties. Mostly of native gold and... galena, which is

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Galena, also called lead glance, is the natural mineral form of lead(II) sulfide. It is the most important ore of lead and an important source of silver.

Galena is one of the most abundant and widely distributed sulfide minerals. It crystallizes in the cubic crystal system often showing octahedral forms. It is often associated with the minerals sphalerite, calcite and fluorite.

Thanks, Wikipedia. So it's ... lead ore... but also a "source of silver." Whatever, I will assume it's awesome.

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I must be correct, because right about now, Muzer sees it and has a eureka moment, snapping into a fey mood. Turns out Muzer is an interesting dwarf. When he's not working as a great miner, he's also a legendary brewer. Could be bad news if this guy goes postal on us.

He takes over the masonry workshop, hauls a big chunk of galena all the way up from the mines, and
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proceeds to rant about a mind-bogglingly tall list of really improbable materials like several kinds of cloth, bone, leather, metal bars and pretty much everything else.

That's not happening at all.

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Meanwhile, the drowned wife of the former mayor is now haunting us because there's basically no way we can recover her body from the river.

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After some fairly directionless haunting, the ghost does something sort of awesome and starts hovering around her own body and trying to bother all the other fisherdwarves. But she's terrible at it. The most horrified any of them have been was a "Huh? What was that?" I inspected one of these guys and the only thought on his mind was that he was kind of randy today. Not making that up. What a terrible ghost.

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If anything, we should be more haunted by the terrifying, hairy, dangling specter of dwarf nudity. Not only are the clothes rotting off of our general populace, but some of our earlier kids are getting older now and have never owned a garment. Uhh I guess Splatterbelch is going to be a fortress for free-thinking dwarves.

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Congratulations to Shumbob Greembelimblrbobl, our 150th asshole. This baby problem didn't stop being a thing. It's just how you pass the time in Splatterbelch. Once in a while, you stop what you're doing, lift a leg and shoot a newborn skittering down the hallway. It's way past the point of ridiculousness. I'm starting to suspect that it's a bug with this version of the game or something. Either that or leaving a fortress full of idlers leaves them nothing to do but get each other pregnant, but I'm not convinced this should be mathematically possible.

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Uh-oh.
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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Zeor » Sat Feb 13, 2016 3:26 am

Buzer has gone merzerk! But don't worry! Legendary mechanism maker Alien King is on the scene to jesus christ

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Yeah Muzer brought his pickaxe. He went mining in Alien King and struck pain. Yeah no he's seriously being dismembered

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Crazily, Alien King scores a pretty good hit using what may well be his only remaining appendage. By the way Alien King is holding a baby this whole time, just in case anybody assumed otherwise.

Know who else is nearby? Run, who you may remember for beating StepS to death in almost this very spot. Also nearby? SupSuper, legendary carpenter. Both are holding axes.

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I messed up the screenshot of the unnecessarily gory details, buuut suffice it to say that the carpenter bros axed Muzer a bunch of questions and he quickly ran out of answers. Alien King dies a moment later due to complications of not having any body parts.

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We lost a pair of legends today in a screaming, blood-spewing cataclysm. One made a gear or a lever or something that had some interesting shapes on it, and one I guess made some pretty good hooch or something. Today we lay them to rest in -- oh come on, who the hell munged in the cemetery?! Right on one of the chalk coffins. Whoever did it kept moving. Probably a baby being carried by somebody. I think just about every able-bodied adult in the fortress is carrying a barf-sprinkling infant under each arm.
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Re: Dwarf Fortress: Oh, We're Doing This

Post by Worm Mad » Fri Feb 19, 2016 2:07 pm

Is it not possible to train a dwarf to act as a janitor/caretaker who can go around and clean up the place? Or does all that junk just stay there forever?
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